Last Days at The Farm

Last Days...

Last night I was lying in bed trying to sleep but just kept thinking -Ina May Gaskin taught me how to measure fundal height! It was like a dream-or actually it was a dream and I made it a reality. I think about all of the lives that have been changed by coming to The Farm for a workshop. Some women have come here thinking they wanted to be a midwife and maybe changed their minds. Other women have come here unsure and left determined. Some midwives have come to brush up on their skills or learn about arts that are dying out like pelvimitry, palpation, and feeling for the baby’s position with ones hands. I walk around in awe-in complete awe. I don’t want to leave.

This is a utopia for midwives-not only do they have this amazing community of women to work with and learn from but they have a bit more freedom than most midwives. They have a little more flexibility when it comes to charging women and in fact hardly charge the Amish women anything because they feel it is an honor and a privilege to be able to attend their births. Pamela told us that at the Advanced Midwifery Workshop you get to go talk to one of the Amish Granny midwives and ask her questions. Imagine!? I think every midwife and apprentice; even every doula should come visit The Farm. I know they all want to. It’s so easy to let life get in the way but this is one of those experiences you really don’t want to miss. I couldn’t help but realize that many of these women are not going to be with us forever-Stacie is the only one who is under 50. Though I am sure The Farm will always exist-it won’t always be the same so now is the time to go. I am already planning my next visit.

Part of The Farm experience is the group dynamic, working and living with a group of women from all over the world. It was so incredible to talk to them, learn about what attending birth is like where they live, what they have experienced and what they plan to do now. Who is going to try and open a birth center, who is going to work more as a doula, who is going to go to midwifery school or start an apprenticeship? I am not only inspired by the midwives but by all of these women as well. In one short week I have learned from them and have developed a connection with them as sisters. They are a part of me and a part of what I will do from here-when I become a midwife it will be partly because they inspired me-they encouraged me-they are with me and I hope I am with them as well.

The last night we all went to Pamela’s house and sat on her back deck. We talked, sang songs, read poems, and laughed. It was incredible and a night I will never forget. The closing circle was quite emotional. There were many times throughout the workshop where I felt so inspired I wanted to cry but of course didn’t want to look like a crazy woman so I held it in. At the closing circle-no one held back. Pamela encouraged all of us to go out and plant seeds, create change, and continue working with women. Joanne went around the circle and blessed all of our hands. I am changed. My work is changed. The Farm is a part of me now and I can hardly wait to go back!

The Farm Midwife

The Farm-Day 4

A surprise

When we think of The Farm most of us think of Ina May. Even if you have read Spiritual Midwifery and have met the other midwives we don’t always remember their names. After this trip I know that I will never forget Pamela Hunt. She was on the original caravan with Ina May and Stephen-she was one of the original midwives. She is the epitome of everything you would imagine a midwife to be-sweet, compassionate, funny, intelligent, knowledgeable, skilled, excellent teacher, otherworldly and let’s face it the woman loves to break into song.

For each of the evening classes where Pam was present we sang. The first night I actually had to hold back tears I was so taken by the song. And her enthusiasm-I don’t really sing but for a woman like Pamela Hunt I would carry any tune. Tonight she had me and two other women “humphing” with a hip twist while the rest of the group sang the words.

This morning she taught us anatomy. I am not sure how we got into it-something about how we are hardwired to procreate I think-but we started talking about sex education. She is of the opinion that we should talk to our kids often and early-she would bring it up at the dinner table when her kids were growing up. Pam wanted to teach her children (and would encourage us to do the same) to “manage their hormones.” This did strike a chord with me-my oldest son is nine already-I figured I had some work to do when I got home.

This evening Pam had the daunting task of teaching us about blood borne pathogens. We all left that class a bit overwhelmed but nevertheless committed to being a bit more mindful about how we protect ourselves at births.

Pamela was a surprise at this workshop. I had expected to be in awe of Ina May. I had no idea I would find myself listening to Pamela speak-glaring at her like a love sick teenager with nothing but adoration in her eyes.

Day 5

In love with a midwife

I am not sure what my son has enjoyed the most so far-the swimming hole, waking up to a family of deer in the back yard or today’s golf cart tour around the farm. Most of the residents have their own golf-carts that they use to get around the farm. Today we took the official tour-we saw the various businesses, the new solar panel installation area, the eco-village and one of the birth cabins. They have a few birth cabins, a couple birth homes and even a “birth double-wide.” These days they are doing about 80 births a year-half of which are in Amish country. Women still come from all over the world to have their babies here as well as to participate in the workshops.

During one of our breaks my family and I went to the park. We met a young girl who lived on the farm. She was just as curious about us as we were about her. She asked questions-we asked questions and in the end she really didn’t want us to leave. She asked why we couldn’t extend our vacation and/or come back for Halloween. She wanted us to come see her band play. That’s how friendly the people around here are.

Stacie Hunt taught one of our classes again today. I really enjoy her point of view and hearing about her experiences. She is the youngest farm midwife by at least one generation. It’s interesting to hear where they differ in how they practice. I was sitting next to her on the couch and I realized that every time she placed a hand on me I felt the same sort of school-girl crush that I felt when Ina May or Pamela were speaking. I think I was falling in love with all of the midwives. I am not sure I will ever be able to leave.

I had a lesson in intuition today. We were practicing checking cervical dilation, effacement and position. I went second. I was confident I knew exactly what I felt. I think Stacie knew I knew as well but we were holding back our answers until we all got a turn. We started answering on the other side of the room and everyone started saying something entirely different from what I thought. I started to doubt myself and I said ooooh now I am not sure. Stacie looked at me and said “say what you think-don’t change your answer.” We continued to go around the room and the more we did the more unsure I got so when it was my turn-I changed my answer. When Stacie told us what we had felt-I had been correct the first time-I knew the dilation, effacement, and even that the baby was breech. I doubted myself and I doubted my instincts. Needless to say I learned an important lesson

The women in our class are really great. We have quite a dynamic group, some doulas-experienced and brand-new, some educators, a hypnotist, women from England, Canada, and Ireland. Some of them are planning on becoming a midwife and some of us are not sure. All of our instructors talk about the calling-the calling to become a midwife. I wonder if you can have selective hearing when it comes to a calling-can you hear wrong? Can you pretend you don’t hear it? Are their signs? Is it ok to be afraid?

The Farm-Day 3

Honorary Hippie

Today was what I think a lot of us were waiting for. Though I am quite content just to be on this legendary farm with these legendary women-some of us really came here to acquire some skills. I had never taken blood pressure before so that was really fun and have been practicing it all day. I even learned some really great tips for my childbirth education classes-like using rubber bands to show the different stages of effacement or ways to remember how to technically described the baby’s position.

Pamela Hunt named the model Fanny so from here on out if I refer to Fanny you will know what I am talking about. We were shown how to palpate a pregnant woman’s belly on Fanny. I was quite nervous because I remember when my midwife showed me how to palpate my own uterus and I couldn’t feel a thing. We each had to get up and test it out. Joanne positioned the baby in the belly and we had to figure out if the baby was vertex, breech, where the back was and if the neck was extended or flexed. I decided I would go first-we had just checked blood pressure and I could feel mine rising as I stepped up to bat. For some reason I felt like everything was riding on this-if I got this wrong I might as well pack it up and head home-no logical reason for me to be feeling like this-just some sort of private test with myself I suppose. It wasn’t easy to feel all the landmarks through this thick, plastic belly and bubble wrap inside. I felt what I thought was a butt, and a head, and the back, and I didn’t feel a bump where I figured the head was, it was smooth so the head must be tucked in. Ok-final answer. Opened the belly up-I was right! Then she said ok what position is the baby in…oh crap…this is always tough…Left-Occiput-Anterior. Perfect! Whew….I could stay.

Dinner is really amazing. I never thought I could enjoy vegan food so much but I suppose if you really know what you are doing-as Louise does (her cookbooks are available for purchase if you are interested)-and have the ability to really be creative the meals will lack nothing! Tonight’s dinner was truly special because Ina May’s Husband-Stephen honored us with his presence. I was smitten immediately and had the privilege of sitting next to him all evening. For those of you that don’t know the history of the farm he was the founder and has not lost a bit of his charismatic personality. I asked him if he was joining Ina May on her 3-week trip and he told me he was writing a book. I asked him if he was almost finished-his response “I am 60,000 words in and I am not even a hippie yet.” We talked about many things and I found out he lived in Santa Fe as a young boy. I told him that I wanted to be a hippie not a modern day hippie-a real hippie-in the 60s. Stephen Gaskin made me-officially an honorary hippie!

In the evening Ina May talked to us about the Quilt Project and how we can all help bring awareness to the issue of Maternal Mortality and how we are not being told the truth. I recalled later that evening the article she wrote for Mothering about masking maternal mortality. I had read about the Quilt Project but was nevertheless moved by the power of seeing one of the quilts with my own eyes. Somehow the reality of it all really sank in.

The Farm Midwifery Center-Day 2

Mighty Midi-Men

Being a family friendly environment most of the women who are here for the workshop brought their families. My husband is here with my youngest son and he was hanging out at the swimming hole with two other of the attendee’s families. One of the local guys concocted a name for them-he said “oh you must be here with the wannabe midwives-or midies as we like to call them-Hey You guys are the Mighty Midi Men!”

It is funny-I had intended on writing this blog nightly and posting it right away. This is impossible for two reasons 1. We are in the middle of the 1750 acres of Tennessee woods-reception (phone or internet) not so much and 2. The workshop pretty much has us going from 8:30am-9:30pm. Not much time for writing at the end of the day. So I will just do what I can when I can.

Today we learned about what is expected of a midwife assistant. We had a very lively and fun day of classes taught by Stacie Hunt (Pamela’s daughter-in-law). I love to hear stories about births on the farm-I especially love to hear stories about attending the Amish women in birth. Sometimes the midwife wouldn’t arrive on time to catch a baby-when you are working on baby 15, 16, or 17-chances are they may come quick.

Oh and never forget of course “if its wet and its not yours-don’t touch it.”

Did you ever have one of those “A-ha” moments where you realized that every decision you had made in your life up until that point has led you exactly where you were meant to be. I had never felt more certain that I was on the right path.

Ina May spoke to us about the history of women’s medicine and midwifery. She covered many topics that I have long been passionate about or have considered an important part of my studies. She talked about the European witch-hunts as well as the Salem witch trials. I am sure most of us know that many of those persecuted women were the healers and midwives. She brought up a very interesting question-why did the midwife survive in Europe and not in the U.S. when thousands more women were murdered in Europe-what was the difference? There were many factors involved of course, some of which included racism, and the balance of power. The “bullies” took over. The propaganda against the midwife was powerful. She encouraged all of us to uncover the hidden story. She reminded us that we couldn’t go forward into the future of this field if we don’t know the history for ourselves. There is a connection and I know many of you have felt it and its important to honor that tie to women who have come before us and carry their memory with us to guide and support us along the way.

“Women never got the power back and that’s what we are going to do now.” I loved the way she said this-she didn’t say we need to do this or we should try to do this she said that’s what we must do now! This is how we will revive midwifery and the basic act of treating women well. We are going to educate ourselves and practice. We are going to “tell the stories and lay the evidence.”

The Farm Midwifery Center-Day 1

September 22nd, 2010

Chiggers, Tics, & Birth

All I kept hearing about from the day I received my enrollment packet to the day I arrived in the home where we would be staying on the farm was to watch out for chiggers and tics. The woman at the welcome center asked “did the midwives tell you about chiggers and tics-well we got em, oh and snakes too.” I had visions of little tiny critters waiting for me on the doorstep in the morning when I left and in the evening when I returned-I packed bug repellent (from Whole Foods of course) and purchased some farm made “bug off sulfur lotion” upon arrival. It was all anyone could talk about. Of course at orientation Pamela Hunt had to address the chiggers and tics (and snakes) as well-but something about her presentation created a shift. Very simply-she told us these creatures were out there but if we were smart and paid attention we would be just fine. Ah…the learning had begun.

I realized that it was the same as pregnancy and birth. If we are constantly told that pregnancy, labor and birth are dangerous of course we are going to be fearful just like with the chiggers and tics-if we are smart and pay attention we will be just fine.

So with that-the workshop had begun. At dinner Ina May Gaskin walked into the dining room and I think for an instant the collective heartbeat stopped. Even though not one of us wanted to act star struck and we were in the midst of a welcoming chant I could feel the excitement. She was pretty ecstatic as well as she had just completed (literally two hours prior) her latest book “Birth Matters” due out some time this spring. Sorry-not going to give you any of the details we got at dinner-have to keep some of it sacred.

After dinner we sat with Ina May at the farm clinic as she talked to us about the history of The Farm and the Midwifery Center. It is a true hippie’s paradise but I also found something so appealing about the idea of communal living. We were shown photos of young kids growing up together, going to school together, and living together and I couldn’t help but think-wow-my kids would really love that (and so would I).

We went through this incredible history and then Ina May told us she was scheduled to leave the country the middle of the week. Due to a series of book related events and conferences (and a fun European tour with friends) she wouldn’t be able to enjoy the farm’s swimming hole until some time next year.

As I walked home that evening I thought about what Ina May’s life was like 30 years ago when they first came out to Tennessee and if she ever imagined she would be the woman she is today. Talk about inspiration.

A trip down memory lane-The Farm Midwifery Center

*Originally posted a year ago on www.mothering.com

Seven months ago a friend and fellow doula sent me an email which read-“we should just do it, let’s go to the farm.” The farm she was referring to is none other than Ina May Gaskin’s Farm Midwifery Center. And we are going-in less than two weeks. I was a tad worried at first because my little one is still nursing and I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to pull that off. I should have known that the farm would be more than accepting of bringing little man along-of course my husband will be joining us too as I am sure a 16 month old running around the workshop would not be ideal.

This is something we had talked about probably since I started working with her-she was and remains my doula mentor. I am sure it is the dream of many doulas, educators, and midwives-something we all talk about but for one reason or another can’t seem to pull it off. Sometimes it just takes a simple-let’s just do it to set things in motion. If we think too much about how much it costs, taking time off from work, dragging the family along, leaving the big kid home with is grandparents because he “rather not eat only vegetarian food,” we’d have a hard time fulfilling any of our dreams. I do however owe a great deal of gratitude to Sharon and my husband Kane-without Sharon’s inspiration and Kane’s support-this adventure would not be happening.

So now after 7 months of built up anticipation we are ready to go. I have everything I need-read and have packed (well have ready to pack) all required readings; Spiritual Midwifery, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, A Book for Midwives, and a Practical Skills Guide. Purchased my blood pressure cuff and stethoscope (never used either of those before), and finally found my doll (which is supposed to be a baby but is actually a pregnant and/or nursing model I borrowed from the Mothering library). Done.

I was looking over the Midwife Assistant workshop schedule and I can’t decide which part I am the most excited about. Of course listening to Ina May talk about the history of the farm, her quilt project, and the history of midwifery will be definite highlights but there are so many other thrilling topics that will be covered as well. Some of them include-what is expected of a midwife assistant, anatomy and physiology, breastfeeding, charting, and other practical lessons. I am really looking forward to the last day-where we learn about cultural differences in childbirth education-I have a feeling that will be one of my favorite sessions. It’s overwhelming and surreal all at the same time.

I am hoping to be able to write about my experience at the farm so check back regularly (after the 18th) for photos and updates. Hopefully I can contain my excitement long enough to sit in front of the computer and not only find words but put them together as well!

Value of the Birth Experience

The other morning at work a subscriber canceled her magazine subscription because as she put it “I am tired of reading about birth and how important the experience is, its only one day in the grand scheme of things.” Let me first start of by saying I respect the opinions and beliefs of others-of course-that goes without saying HOWEVER, as a doula, CBE, and a mother who has had a relatively negative birth experience and most recently an extraordinarily empowering experience I say-is she kidding?!

I was inspired to write a response to this event but in truth I have been grappling with this question for quite some time now. I live in Santa Fe, NM. In terms of national averages New Mexico has one of the lowest rates of Cesarean deliveries. I was raised in NJ where many of my lifelong friends are having their babies. Their experiences are profoundly different from what I have witnessed here. New Jersey births are highly medicalized-I would know-my first son was born there. I would go so far as to say (and this relates only to the group of women I am in contact with) 95% of my friends having babies are doing so via Cesarean sections. I am not here to devalue their experiences but it often raises this question for me and I am not sure if I have yet to uncover any answers. I have done quite a bit of research over the last few weeks on this subject and one thing seems clear-we do not fully understand the significant benefits of a well-supported, normal birth.

In an article for Birth: Issues in Perinatal Care (18:4 Dec 1991) Penny Simkin wrote about a study that analyzed the long-term impact of the birth experience on a group of women. The questionnaire was given shortly after their babies were born, and again 15-20 years later. In short this is what was discovered:

“ Women reported that their memories were vivid and deeply felt. Those with the highest long term satisfaction ratings thought that they accomplished something important, that they were in control, and that the birth experience contributed to their self-confidence and self esteem.”

Speaking from personal experience I am still dealing with issues from my first birth -eight years ago in NJ. I was in labor for many, many hours and at one point (I remember this so vividly) the doctor turned to me and said, “If you don’t get an epidural and let me turn this baby (he was occiput posterior or sunny side up) you are going to have to have a cesarean.” I managed to avoid surgery but to this day every time I attend a birth where the baby is either born occiput posterior or allowed to turn on his own a hint of anger-or more accurately fury resurfaces. On the opposite end of the spectrum nine months ago my son was born at home, in the water, with a midwife present. It was everything you would imagine it to be, empowering, life-changing, confidence boosting, magical, etc…etc…etc…Would my first experience have been more rewarding if I had been part of the decision making process or was the homebirth more significant because I was able to do it naturally and on my own terms? The question then expands to what results in a positive birth experience-a natural, normal birth or just simply being in control, being part of the decision making process? One might argue a healthy baby is enough-but if that were the case would I still hold such a grudge?

I wonder then is it possible that on some level women who have had a less than positive experience devalue their birth simply because they don’t want it to have meaning, they don’t want to feel like they missed out. I can certainly relate to that. It could also be said that only once you have experienced an unmedicated, uncomplicated, vaginal delivery would you truly understand the power involved. As you can see in my quest to unveil answers I have only stirred up more questions.

In the end I suppose it depends at least in part to an individual’s world-view in general, their particular set of belief systems. I believe that if one educates themselves and makes informed decisions a positive experience is more likely. At the same time I am a natural birth advocate who has experienced the good and the bad. I do believe that the medical, technocratic view of birth is damaging-to the individual as well as to the collective. I wish only the most gentle and peaceful births for all childbearing women. I know only what I know; I have no words of wisdom-I leave that the experts and I would love to hear from you as well…

“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware ... To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory. She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”
GRANTLY DICK-READ, Childbirth Without Fear

“Natural childbirth allows the hormones that have been working for women for thousands of years to fulfill their functions. This is more important than just helping a woman through labor and delivery. Birth-related hormones also affect well-being much later in life.”
JANET SCHWEGEL, Adventures in Natural Childbirth

“In achieving the depersonalization of childbirth and at the same time solving the problem of pain, our society may have lost more than it has gained. We are left with the physical husk; the transcending significance has been drained away. In doing so, we have reached the goal which is perhaps implicit in all highly developed technological cultures, mechanized control of the human body and the complete obliteration of all disturbing sensations.”
SHEILA KITZINGER, Women as Mothers